Kids of Character

While watching Evelyn accept her Kid of Character award at school this morning, I was reminded that I have great kids. I think often about what I can do as a parent to make sure my kids are "good kids." The truth is that no matter what we do as parents our kids might not turn out how to planned. Period. The truth is that every single one of us makes bad parenting choices and that 0% of us are perfect. 

I went to see Wes Moore speak last week. He's one of a series of speakers about being a social activist. His presentation really made me ponder how we as parents and how we as a community, country, and global society can help make sure there are more "good" kids. 

Many people think we should bring God (at least the Christian one) back into our public schools. As a secular humanist and non-believer in anyone labeled as "God" the thought of putting religion into schools and laws straight up scares me, as I've said before. My children are being raised without god, and they are most certainly kind, accepting, well-behaved kids of good character. In fact, I argue that raising kids with religion can actually harm their character when religion is used to instill biases, fear of "others," supremacy, greed, and general hatefulness. Religion is continually used to define people as "others" thus making it easier to hurt, kill, rob, or otherwise injure them. So, religion as a tool to build good character is out in my book. (Side note: anyone who knows me knows that I will never hold your religious beliefs against you until you use them to belittle or demean or damage someone else. Love is my religion, and I hope it's yours, too.)

So, what can be done? Call me a socialist or a bleeding heart liberal or a baby killer or whatever else you want. I strongly believe that the way to build communities full of "good kids" is to ensure that parents have access to the tools, resources, and time to raise their children. I am a stay-at-home mom married to a man who supports me and our children financially with one salary. He has access to affordable health insurance, paid personal time, and a work schedule flexible enough to allow him time to spend with his family. We can afford a house in a safe neighborhood close to grocery stores with fresh food. We can afford cars and clean clothes and comic books and cable tv. We have clean drinking water, weekends filled with kid's activities, and an extended group of family and friends willing to help us out whenever we need. 

Wes Moore said that until we can equalize access to resources NO ONE is truly safe in her community. Resources like lead-free water and healthy food. Resources like time off to read books and give baths and cook meals. Resources like a paycheck that covers the bills. Resources like affordable dance lessons, music lessons, yoga classes, soccer games, and the other activities that make kids strong and healthy. 

I'm not living some pipe dream where everyone is rich and everyone's kids wear brand new clothes and eat organic food and have an intact family reading them bedtime stories every night. However, I think it is absolutely possible to expect to be paid enough in a 40 hour week to afford rent/mortgage and household necessities. I think it is absolutely possible to give paid sick and family leave. It's absolutely possible to make sure we all have access to clean water and a grocery store. It's absolutely possible to make sure no one goes bankrupt just because he gets sick. 

Let's be honest: even with all the money in the world a kid can turn out with poor character. Even if a kid never sees a struggle a day of his/her life it is entirely possible he/she will be a terrible adult. In the same regard, kids that struggle every day just to get a minute of time with a parent and eat Ramen noodles every night for supper can be truly amazing adults. That said, we're talking about the average kid growing up without access to many of the things I've taken for granted that helped me become functioning, thriving member of society.

The solution to raising communities full of kids of character starts with folks like me who have abundance to share. Maybe it's extra time or money or a skill that we can share with someone who needs it. However, there are big changes that need to occur, huge economic changes that you and I can't make. There needs to be a huge change in corporate culture. There needs to be consequences for the greed that demeans and destroys our families. I don't have all the solutions in this regard. I wish I did.

So, even if you're like me and you don't own a billion-dollar corporation, you can start making a positive difference in your community. We're in this struggle together, and instead of seeing kids that aren't your own as "someone else's problem" we need to consider that when other people's children are struggling it creates a less safe environment for all of us. Your job is to do whatever you can to create a safer environment at home and at the very least not encourage the unsafe environment in which others must live. Your job is to vote in every election you can. Your job is to vote with your dollars if you object to a corporation's practices. Your job is to find empathy: being able to see that people are worth helping even if you can't sympathize with their life experience. 

Let's get to work. 

Invincible Summer

Winter in Nebraska is filled both with beauty and with longing. We can go days without seeing the sun which makes us crave a little light and warmth. I love the sight of my breath against the frosty air and the ice settled down upon bare tree branches. Leaves replaced by frost; green grass turned brown, dormant until Spring returns.  Even while dormant and bare, nature is still thriving and glorious.  The soil, having been worked and harvested, takes the opportunity to rest and restore.

Underneath the surface of winter's snow and chill are the buds of Spring. Behind the gloomy clouds and desolate skies of gray is a sun just waiting to bring the thaw and the brightness of a new day.  Winter is a season of rest and a season that tests our ability to survive. Those things that know trying to survive is futile either hibernate or go dormant. Some even migrate.

Just as seasons change, so do our emotions and our situations. We can feel like our days will forever be gloomy and dark. Our daily stresses and anxiety can chill us to the bone. Light, soft snow is magical and inspiring...until the snow falls heavy and wet and the wind blows. All of the sudden we go from enjoying the moment to the surreal horror that we've just entered a blizzard of shit.

What can we take away from a season so filled with beauty, dormancy, and challenge?  As I was writing this post, I approached it from the perspective that winter is tough and cold and icy and I hate it. It's crazy cold today, and I'm fighting through a migraine that put me in a fussy mood. But now, after typing the words above, I realized that winter is so full of potential and the chance to make your own light. I've been too harsh, winter, and I am sorry.

Winter is a proving grounds both for nature and for our spiritual well being.  It is a test to see how much light we can make for ourselves. It is the opportunity to say, "Fuck it! I'm hibernating!" and just shut the world out for awhile. Enjoy your family, cozy up with them, cuddle the dogs, and drink some cocoa.

Winter can be isolating and lonely. No one wants to venture out in the cold, and driving conditions can be brutal. I believe, though, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Having some time away from plans and people and socializing makes me remember how much I miss a friend's laugh. It makes me look forward to getting together and playing a game of Cards Against Humanity after drinking a bottle of wine (or four) with a big group around the kitchen table.

Maybe winter is really a season not of longing but of anticipation.

So, friends, I hope that as winter progresses you will, like me, find a warm place in your heart for winter. Inside your heart is an invincible summer!