It's Been Awhile

I realize it's been a day or 100 since my last post. Let me catch you up on what's going on in the Vescapades fam lately.

Dade is a month from (hopefully!) graduating from high school. He plans on becoming a teacher; he wants to teach history. He's still working at the Fallbrook Y child care. We pretty much never see him between school and work. Here he is headed to senior prom:

Brody is finishing up 7th grade. He was selected for All-City 7th grade choir. He's playing basketball and football.  He's got his mama's attitude and his daddy's stubborn streak. 

All City Choir

Evelyn enjoys kickboxing, choir, running, rollerblading, and hanging out with her friends. She and Soren also took hula lessons, and Evie's playing the saxophone. She was selected as the one and only Inspire student from her elementary school. She's finishing up 5th grade and will be riding the bus to middle school with Brody next Fall.

Soren is rocking 3rd grade; she's in all the differentiated (advanced) classes. She also loves choir, soccer, and hula.

Colby will be running his second half marathon this week. He's always busy at work, but gets up early to run with Archie. He's coaching soccer and football, and he takes Evelyn along as his running buddy. She rides her bike on his long runs.

I'm teaching lots of yoga and managing everyone's schedules. I started a new and exciting yoga teacher training last week. It's called Yoga for All, and it's about making yoga accessible to all body types, larger bodies, older bodies, people who've been through physical and/or emotional trauma, and transgender people. I'm thrilled to be learning how to bring yoga to all those people who maybe think yoga isn't for them or that their bodies aren't made for yoga.

My friends and I escaped a puzzle room!

I started a book club in January called All Booked, and we're actually still meeting! I made a commitment to read more in 2016, and so far I am proud to say that I am reading much more than I did last year. Not only do I get to spend one Friday evening a month with a bunch of rad friends, but we also head to a local dive bar for karaoke afterward.

We have a new nephew.

This guy and I will be celebrating 18 years of marriage in May.

I've developed some new friendships...with some younger women who like to go to the dance club and take me to Lil Wayne concerts and make me feel like a youngster.

This lady is officially cancer free!

I'm going to be a bridesmaid in October; my long-time friend has finally found the guy of her dreams. She's there with the white bag.

Being surrounded by all this goodness makes life so fulfilling and busy, which is why my blogging has been falling behind. I plan to blog more, especially because I want to share my yoga training with my fellow yogis.

Plus, it's an election year. I will surely have some opinions about that, right?

Namaste! 

Kids of Character

While watching Evelyn accept her Kid of Character award at school this morning, I was reminded that I have great kids. I think often about what I can do as a parent to make sure my kids are "good kids." The truth is that no matter what we do as parents our kids might not turn out how to planned. Period. The truth is that every single one of us makes bad parenting choices and that 0% of us are perfect. 

I went to see Wes Moore speak last week. He's one of a series of speakers about being a social activist. His presentation really made me ponder how we as parents and how we as a community, country, and global society can help make sure there are more "good" kids. 

Many people think we should bring God (at least the Christian one) back into our public schools. As a secular humanist and non-believer in anyone labeled as "God" the thought of putting religion into schools and laws straight up scares me, as I've said before. My children are being raised without god, and they are most certainly kind, accepting, well-behaved kids of good character. In fact, I argue that raising kids with religion can actually harm their character when religion is used to instill biases, fear of "others," supremacy, greed, and general hatefulness. Religion is continually used to define people as "others" thus making it easier to hurt, kill, rob, or otherwise injure them. So, religion as a tool to build good character is out in my book. (Side note: anyone who knows me knows that I will never hold your religious beliefs against you until you use them to belittle or demean or damage someone else. Love is my religion, and I hope it's yours, too.)

So, what can be done? Call me a socialist or a bleeding heart liberal or a baby killer or whatever else you want. I strongly believe that the way to build communities full of "good kids" is to ensure that parents have access to the tools, resources, and time to raise their children. I am a stay-at-home mom married to a man who supports me and our children financially with one salary. He has access to affordable health insurance, paid personal time, and a work schedule flexible enough to allow him time to spend with his family. We can afford a house in a safe neighborhood close to grocery stores with fresh food. We can afford cars and clean clothes and comic books and cable tv. We have clean drinking water, weekends filled with kid's activities, and an extended group of family and friends willing to help us out whenever we need. 

Wes Moore said that until we can equalize access to resources NO ONE is truly safe in her community. Resources like lead-free water and healthy food. Resources like time off to read books and give baths and cook meals. Resources like a paycheck that covers the bills. Resources like affordable dance lessons, music lessons, yoga classes, soccer games, and the other activities that make kids strong and healthy. 

I'm not living some pipe dream where everyone is rich and everyone's kids wear brand new clothes and eat organic food and have an intact family reading them bedtime stories every night. However, I think it is absolutely possible to expect to be paid enough in a 40 hour week to afford rent/mortgage and household necessities. I think it is absolutely possible to give paid sick and family leave. It's absolutely possible to make sure we all have access to clean water and a grocery store. It's absolutely possible to make sure no one goes bankrupt just because he gets sick. 

Let's be honest: even with all the money in the world a kid can turn out with poor character. Even if a kid never sees a struggle a day of his/her life it is entirely possible he/she will be a terrible adult. In the same regard, kids that struggle every day just to get a minute of time with a parent and eat Ramen noodles every night for supper can be truly amazing adults. That said, we're talking about the average kid growing up without access to many of the things I've taken for granted that helped me become functioning, thriving member of society.

The solution to raising communities full of kids of character starts with folks like me who have abundance to share. Maybe it's extra time or money or a skill that we can share with someone who needs it. However, there are big changes that need to occur, huge economic changes that you and I can't make. There needs to be a huge change in corporate culture. There needs to be consequences for the greed that demeans and destroys our families. I don't have all the solutions in this regard. I wish I did.

So, even if you're like me and you don't own a billion-dollar corporation, you can start making a positive difference in your community. We're in this struggle together, and instead of seeing kids that aren't your own as "someone else's problem" we need to consider that when other people's children are struggling it creates a less safe environment for all of us. Your job is to do whatever you can to create a safer environment at home and at the very least not encourage the unsafe environment in which others must live. Your job is to vote in every election you can. Your job is to vote with your dollars if you object to a corporation's practices. Your job is to find empathy: being able to see that people are worth helping even if you can't sympathize with their life experience. 

Let's get to work. 

Invincible Summer

Winter in Nebraska is filled both with beauty and with longing. We can go days without seeing the sun which makes us crave a little light and warmth. I love the sight of my breath against the frosty air and the ice settled down upon bare tree branches. Leaves replaced by frost; green grass turned brown, dormant until Spring returns.  Even while dormant and bare, nature is still thriving and glorious.  The soil, having been worked and harvested, takes the opportunity to rest and restore.

Underneath the surface of winter's snow and chill are the buds of Spring. Behind the gloomy clouds and desolate skies of gray is a sun just waiting to bring the thaw and the brightness of a new day.  Winter is a season of rest and a season that tests our ability to survive. Those things that know trying to survive is futile either hibernate or go dormant. Some even migrate.

Just as seasons change, so do our emotions and our situations. We can feel like our days will forever be gloomy and dark. Our daily stresses and anxiety can chill us to the bone. Light, soft snow is magical and inspiring...until the snow falls heavy and wet and the wind blows. All of the sudden we go from enjoying the moment to the surreal horror that we've just entered a blizzard of shit.

What can we take away from a season so filled with beauty, dormancy, and challenge?  As I was writing this post, I approached it from the perspective that winter is tough and cold and icy and I hate it. It's crazy cold today, and I'm fighting through a migraine that put me in a fussy mood. But now, after typing the words above, I realized that winter is so full of potential and the chance to make your own light. I've been too harsh, winter, and I am sorry.

Winter is a proving grounds both for nature and for our spiritual well being.  It is a test to see how much light we can make for ourselves. It is the opportunity to say, "Fuck it! I'm hibernating!" and just shut the world out for awhile. Enjoy your family, cozy up with them, cuddle the dogs, and drink some cocoa.

Winter can be isolating and lonely. No one wants to venture out in the cold, and driving conditions can be brutal. I believe, though, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Having some time away from plans and people and socializing makes me remember how much I miss a friend's laugh. It makes me look forward to getting together and playing a game of Cards Against Humanity after drinking a bottle of wine (or four) with a big group around the kitchen table.

Maybe winter is really a season not of longing but of anticipation.

So, friends, I hope that as winter progresses you will, like me, find a warm place in your heart for winter. Inside your heart is an invincible summer!

God and Guns

I wanted to use this as my status on Facebook just now, but I second-guessed it:

"I'm already seeing the "pray for Paris" all over FB. Please understand that so, so many of these terror attacks are inspired by extreme religious beliefs. When secular folks like me see the words guns and God in the same sentences we are scared. We are scared for legitimate and undeniable reasons. I hope that more religious folks will see the danger in religious extremism and condemn people in the US and around the world for using their religious beliefs as reasons for hate."

See, I'm still a little brainwashed by my Christian upbringing. I don't want to offend or upset Christians because so many of them seem to think there is some sort of war on Christianity in the US. It's too bad because the truth about religion (not just Christianity) is hard and hurtful and painful and needs to be shouted from the rooftops as far as I'm concerned. Bad people using religion to murder, enslave, and terrorize is nothing new or modern. We just have better weaponry now to aid those folks dead set on inflicting terror around the world. Please excuse the pun.

I shouldn't be so hard on Christians because right now it seems that Islamic extremism is quite possibly our greatest threat to global safety. I only wish that the people in this country screaming for more religion and blaming society's perceived downfall on the lack of Jesus in school could take off the goggles for a moment and truly see what it looks like to live somewhere ruled by religious dogma. It generally isn't working out well.

Why? I don't think there is anything wrong with believing in a god. However, no religion is free from judgement. Most major religious dogmas teach their followers that they are somehow better and superior. Believers are encouraged to judge and punish the behavior of non-believers. In the wrong hands (or in the hand of someone who has a gun in the other hand) this belief becomes a pathological excuse for the destruction and massacre of others.

War, murder, persecution, and destruction happen for a myriad of reasons beyond religion. Let me make it clear that I don't believe all religious people are bad apples. They aren't; I know and love very many religious people. However, there needs to be constant awareness and vigilance about the power of religion and what it can do when it seeps into our government and law.

We must be careful about heading into conflicts and wars that only stoke the causes of religious extremism. However, we cannot be silent and allow any religion or religious group to force their beliefs onto others.

As I always say and will continue to say: Love is my religion. Kindness is my dogma. Gratitude is my alter. Peace is my prayer.

To those in Paris and around the world suffering because of violence: no prayer is enough to make it better. I don't have a solution to the problem of terrorism or violence, but I will continue to rally behind the causes of justice through tolerance (NOT acceptance). I will continue to firmly believe the motto of "Do no harm, but take no shit."

Where that leads us, who knows? Please, y'all, love your neighbors.

A Little More on Inspiration

I sometimes get requests for the list of songs on my yoga playlists.  The music I use in my yoga practice is a big deal to me, and I invest an abundance of time and thought into my playlists.  Even if my students aren't listening to the words of the songs, I hope they realize that my goal in planning a playlist is to inspire their practice.  I pick songs with a satisfying tempo to inspire our bodies, and songs with meaningful words to inspire our minds and spirits.  Some songs are, of course, just for fun.  I mean, The Pina Colada Song doesn't really inspire anything besides cringes, right?

What makes music inspiring for our minds and spirits? Music can trigger a memory from youth or from a special day.  My yogis will often hear me say things like, "This takes me back to 7th grade at the roller skating rink," or "Any other children of the 90's remember this one?"  There are times when I have students who weren't even born when I reference a song from the 90s, and I'm certain they think I'm insane.  

Sometimes you find pieces of people you know in a song.  We all have moments where we hear a song and are immediately reminded of a friend or loved one.  Some memories are joyful and some are somber, but no matter what emotions spring forth we are grateful for what these people mean to us.  I have cried more than once in yoga class because of a certain song and how it relates to the struggles I'm having or the joys I'm experiencing.  

Plus, I love to sing along to music while I practice yoga.  Sorry, yogis.  

Starting with this post I will from time to time share some of my favorite yoga playlist songs.  Obviously, you can listen to music outside the yoga studio, so I hope these songs can help carry you and inspire you when you need a little joy.  

The first playlist I'm sharing is one centered around friendship and love.  Forming bonds with others can bring both joy and sorrow.  Grief is the price we pay for loving, but how terrible would it be if we never had anything worth losing or grieving?  

Trouble by Ray LaMontagne 

Song for a Friend by Andreya Triana (gosh, I've shed more tears over this song than I'd like to admit)

Never Quit Loving You by Jill Barber

Umbrella by Rihanna 

Rather Be by Clean Bandit 

What You Don't Do by Lianne La Havas

You Make Me Feel Good by Satin Jackets

Lean on Me by Bill Withers 

Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat

Your Song by Ellie Goulding 

You are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne (yeah, I kind of love his voice)

If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys

All of Me by Postmodern Jukebox

Just Breathe by Pearl Jam (seriously, if you can listen to the lyrics, "I'm a lucky man to count on both            hands the ones I love," and not be filled with boundless joy then you may not be a human                    being.)

Thank You by Dido

There are probably a hundred more songs I could add to this list, but this is a good start.  Have a song that inspires you?  Please share it with me!!  

 

You're the Inspiration

A friend mentioned a few months ago that, ahem, why am I not blogging?? My response was simple: I lost my inspiration.  And not just for writing.

Inspiration ebbs and flows in all of us.  Sometimes we are excited by new challenges in life, and sometimes we are overwhelmed by "adulting."  I'm constantly telling my yogis to find joy in every day, even in the mundane.  I've mastered finding folding laundry and washing dishes pleasant, but finding joy has been a bit more difficult.  I love baking and cooking, but I hate cleaning up afterwards.  Why cook or bake only to leave myself with piles of dirty dishes and a messy floor?  Ugh.

I've started teaching more yoga classes; I'm up to more than 10 per week on average.  I'm teaching little kids, which is new.  I'm teaching in different spaces, like onstage at a high school auditorium.  I've met new, interesting people with gripping life stories and hilarious personalities.  Yet, I've lost my own yoga practice.  I spend 10+ hours a week teaching yoga, and all teachers (no matter what you teach) know how much planning goes on behind he scenes for just one hour of class.  Plus, I have to travel to each class.  It's exhausting.

One of the reasons why I took on some extra classes was because my fellow yoga teacher RH delivered her daughter prematurely at 25 weeks this summer.  I took over two of her classes while at the same time losing one of the main "substitute" teachers I have in case I need a day off.  RH's baby girl thrived despite arriving early, and RH came back to work.  Here she is with me on her first day back in September.

A few weeks after RH came back to work, she got the news that her baby was ready to come home from the hospital!!  So, back I went teaching her classes for her while she was off being supermom.  I along with her students missed her but knew she was where she needed to be: home with her toddler and newborn.

About the same time RH was bringing her new baby home from the hospital I was also bringing my new baby home...only my new baby has four legs and fur.  His name is Archie.

Just a few weeks after bringing her baby home, RH was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer.

Yes, I said the same thing out loud that you just said in your head when you read that: What the fuck? This vibrant, easy going, beautiful new mom is about to have her life turned upside down.  Again.  Unlike pretty much everyone else who was filled with tears and expressions of sympathy, RH has henceforth decided to carry on each day with this attitude:

So, what is one to do when it feels like life is just a cycle of work, pay bills, die?  What is one to do when the fountain of inspiration has dried up because adulting is just too taxing and mundane?

Let's start here: October is breast cancer awareness month. I'll be damned if I'm not fully aware of breast cancer after having two very young, vibrant female friends diagnosed in 2015.  Of course being the person that I am I immediately start fighting imaginary battles of my own: got a cough this morning? Cancer.  My stomach hurts? Cancer.  Joints achy? Cancer.

But what would my friends fighting real battles say? Cancer? Cancer ain't got nothin' on them.  Cancer can attack their bodies; chemo can leave them tired and hurting and hairless.  I type these next words with all seriousness and admiration: when I look at these women I don't see the cancer hiding inside them.  I see their spirits cheering everyone on and saying, "Don't be sad for me! Be joyful with me!"

Excitement does not always come in the form of vacations or a new car or a new project at work.  Sometimes excitement comes as cancer. That saying, "same shit, different day" isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? That mundane life you have, those dishes you have to wash, that morning commute to work, those endless days of running kids around to practice...that should be where you find your inspiration.  Why expect inspiration to come knocking at your door?  You may not like what knocks.
PS: Fuck cancer.

Irony

Life, it is so funny.  Sometimes we laugh, and sometimes we don't get the joke.  I'm assuming I'm misusing the context of the word, but life is ironic.

Like how I make a commitment to help others be happy and healthy but end up breaking my ankle.   I've spent the last four weeks hobbling around and gimping my way through teaching yoga.  It's been a great test of learning to appreciate my body. 

Practicing child's pose with a gross black and blue ankle.  

Then let's add in some acid reflux that lead me to believe I had a tumor (hey, I already admitted my problem with being a hypochondriac).  Turns out I just have h pylori, a bacterial infection in my stomach that that cause reflux, ulcers, and if left untreated can cause cancer.  So, I'm on some super strong antibiotics with some unfriendly side effects.  I have a lovely vomit taste in my mouth all the time.  I'm sure the diarrhea can't be far behind.  I spent a lot of time trying to restore my gut flora to a decent balance, and now all that hard work is about to be flushed down the toilet.  Literally.  

Enter in probiotics and kombucha my new best friends.  I'm even going to try making my own kombucha drinks thanks to a friend who is acquiring a SCOBY for me.  Hopefully I don't kill it.  

I'm sure you can see the irony in championing a health challenge and then becoming a gimpy sicko, right??  

Oh well.  You know what they say?