It's Been Awhile

I realize it's been a day or 100 since my last post. Let me catch you up on what's going on in the Vescapades fam lately.

Dade is a month from (hopefully!) graduating from high school. He plans on becoming a teacher; he wants to teach history. He's still working at the Fallbrook Y child care. We pretty much never see him between school and work. Here he is headed to senior prom:

Brody is finishing up 7th grade. He was selected for All-City 7th grade choir. He's playing basketball and football.  He's got his mama's attitude and his daddy's stubborn streak. 

All City Choir

Evelyn enjoys kickboxing, choir, running, rollerblading, and hanging out with her friends. She and Soren also took hula lessons, and Evie's playing the saxophone. She was selected as the one and only Inspire student from her elementary school. She's finishing up 5th grade and will be riding the bus to middle school with Brody next Fall.

Soren is rocking 3rd grade; she's in all the differentiated (advanced) classes. She also loves choir, soccer, and hula.

Colby will be running his second half marathon this week. He's always busy at work, but gets up early to run with Archie. He's coaching soccer and football, and he takes Evelyn along as his running buddy. She rides her bike on his long runs.

I'm teaching lots of yoga and managing everyone's schedules. I started a new and exciting yoga teacher training last week. It's called Yoga for All, and it's about making yoga accessible to all body types, larger bodies, older bodies, people who've been through physical and/or emotional trauma, and transgender people. I'm thrilled to be learning how to bring yoga to all those people who maybe think yoga isn't for them or that their bodies aren't made for yoga.

My friends and I escaped a puzzle room!

I started a book club in January called All Booked, and we're actually still meeting! I made a commitment to read more in 2016, and so far I am proud to say that I am reading much more than I did last year. Not only do I get to spend one Friday evening a month with a bunch of rad friends, but we also head to a local dive bar for karaoke afterward.

We have a new nephew.

This guy and I will be celebrating 18 years of marriage in May.

I've developed some new friendships...with some younger women who like to go to the dance club and take me to Lil Wayne concerts and make me feel like a youngster.

This lady is officially cancer free!

I'm going to be a bridesmaid in October; my long-time friend has finally found the guy of her dreams. She's there with the white bag.

Being surrounded by all this goodness makes life so fulfilling and busy, which is why my blogging has been falling behind. I plan to blog more, especially because I want to share my yoga training with my fellow yogis.

Plus, it's an election year. I will surely have some opinions about that, right?

Namaste! 

Kids of Character

While watching Evelyn accept her Kid of Character award at school this morning, I was reminded that I have great kids. I think often about what I can do as a parent to make sure my kids are "good kids." The truth is that no matter what we do as parents our kids might not turn out how to planned. Period. The truth is that every single one of us makes bad parenting choices and that 0% of us are perfect. 

I went to see Wes Moore speak last week. He's one of a series of speakers about being a social activist. His presentation really made me ponder how we as parents and how we as a community, country, and global society can help make sure there are more "good" kids. 

Many people think we should bring God (at least the Christian one) back into our public schools. As a secular humanist and non-believer in anyone labeled as "God" the thought of putting religion into schools and laws straight up scares me, as I've said before. My children are being raised without god, and they are most certainly kind, accepting, well-behaved kids of good character. In fact, I argue that raising kids with religion can actually harm their character when religion is used to instill biases, fear of "others," supremacy, greed, and general hatefulness. Religion is continually used to define people as "others" thus making it easier to hurt, kill, rob, or otherwise injure them. So, religion as a tool to build good character is out in my book. (Side note: anyone who knows me knows that I will never hold your religious beliefs against you until you use them to belittle or demean or damage someone else. Love is my religion, and I hope it's yours, too.)

So, what can be done? Call me a socialist or a bleeding heart liberal or a baby killer or whatever else you want. I strongly believe that the way to build communities full of "good kids" is to ensure that parents have access to the tools, resources, and time to raise their children. I am a stay-at-home mom married to a man who supports me and our children financially with one salary. He has access to affordable health insurance, paid personal time, and a work schedule flexible enough to allow him time to spend with his family. We can afford a house in a safe neighborhood close to grocery stores with fresh food. We can afford cars and clean clothes and comic books and cable tv. We have clean drinking water, weekends filled with kid's activities, and an extended group of family and friends willing to help us out whenever we need. 

Wes Moore said that until we can equalize access to resources NO ONE is truly safe in her community. Resources like lead-free water and healthy food. Resources like time off to read books and give baths and cook meals. Resources like a paycheck that covers the bills. Resources like affordable dance lessons, music lessons, yoga classes, soccer games, and the other activities that make kids strong and healthy. 

I'm not living some pipe dream where everyone is rich and everyone's kids wear brand new clothes and eat organic food and have an intact family reading them bedtime stories every night. However, I think it is absolutely possible to expect to be paid enough in a 40 hour week to afford rent/mortgage and household necessities. I think it is absolutely possible to give paid sick and family leave. It's absolutely possible to make sure we all have access to clean water and a grocery store. It's absolutely possible to make sure no one goes bankrupt just because he gets sick. 

Let's be honest: even with all the money in the world a kid can turn out with poor character. Even if a kid never sees a struggle a day of his/her life it is entirely possible he/she will be a terrible adult. In the same regard, kids that struggle every day just to get a minute of time with a parent and eat Ramen noodles every night for supper can be truly amazing adults. That said, we're talking about the average kid growing up without access to many of the things I've taken for granted that helped me become functioning, thriving member of society.

The solution to raising communities full of kids of character starts with folks like me who have abundance to share. Maybe it's extra time or money or a skill that we can share with someone who needs it. However, there are big changes that need to occur, huge economic changes that you and I can't make. There needs to be a huge change in corporate culture. There needs to be consequences for the greed that demeans and destroys our families. I don't have all the solutions in this regard. I wish I did.

So, even if you're like me and you don't own a billion-dollar corporation, you can start making a positive difference in your community. We're in this struggle together, and instead of seeing kids that aren't your own as "someone else's problem" we need to consider that when other people's children are struggling it creates a less safe environment for all of us. Your job is to do whatever you can to create a safer environment at home and at the very least not encourage the unsafe environment in which others must live. Your job is to vote in every election you can. Your job is to vote with your dollars if you object to a corporation's practices. Your job is to find empathy: being able to see that people are worth helping even if you can't sympathize with their life experience. 

Let's get to work. 

Invincible Summer

Winter in Nebraska is filled both with beauty and with longing. We can go days without seeing the sun which makes us crave a little light and warmth. I love the sight of my breath against the frosty air and the ice settled down upon bare tree branches. Leaves replaced by frost; green grass turned brown, dormant until Spring returns.  Even while dormant and bare, nature is still thriving and glorious.  The soil, having been worked and harvested, takes the opportunity to rest and restore.

Underneath the surface of winter's snow and chill are the buds of Spring. Behind the gloomy clouds and desolate skies of gray is a sun just waiting to bring the thaw and the brightness of a new day.  Winter is a season of rest and a season that tests our ability to survive. Those things that know trying to survive is futile either hibernate or go dormant. Some even migrate.

Just as seasons change, so do our emotions and our situations. We can feel like our days will forever be gloomy and dark. Our daily stresses and anxiety can chill us to the bone. Light, soft snow is magical and inspiring...until the snow falls heavy and wet and the wind blows. All of the sudden we go from enjoying the moment to the surreal horror that we've just entered a blizzard of shit.

What can we take away from a season so filled with beauty, dormancy, and challenge?  As I was writing this post, I approached it from the perspective that winter is tough and cold and icy and I hate it. It's crazy cold today, and I'm fighting through a migraine that put me in a fussy mood. But now, after typing the words above, I realized that winter is so full of potential and the chance to make your own light. I've been too harsh, winter, and I am sorry.

Winter is a proving grounds both for nature and for our spiritual well being.  It is a test to see how much light we can make for ourselves. It is the opportunity to say, "Fuck it! I'm hibernating!" and just shut the world out for awhile. Enjoy your family, cozy up with them, cuddle the dogs, and drink some cocoa.

Winter can be isolating and lonely. No one wants to venture out in the cold, and driving conditions can be brutal. I believe, though, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Having some time away from plans and people and socializing makes me remember how much I miss a friend's laugh. It makes me look forward to getting together and playing a game of Cards Against Humanity after drinking a bottle of wine (or four) with a big group around the kitchen table.

Maybe winter is really a season not of longing but of anticipation.

So, friends, I hope that as winter progresses you will, like me, find a warm place in your heart for winter. Inside your heart is an invincible summer!

God and Guns

I wanted to use this as my status on Facebook just now, but I second-guessed it:

"I'm already seeing the "pray for Paris" all over FB. Please understand that so, so many of these terror attacks are inspired by extreme religious beliefs. When secular folks like me see the words guns and God in the same sentences we are scared. We are scared for legitimate and undeniable reasons. I hope that more religious folks will see the danger in religious extremism and condemn people in the US and around the world for using their religious beliefs as reasons for hate."

See, I'm still a little brainwashed by my Christian upbringing. I don't want to offend or upset Christians because so many of them seem to think there is some sort of war on Christianity in the US. It's too bad because the truth about religion (not just Christianity) is hard and hurtful and painful and needs to be shouted from the rooftops as far as I'm concerned. Bad people using religion to murder, enslave, and terrorize is nothing new or modern. We just have better weaponry now to aid those folks dead set on inflicting terror around the world. Please excuse the pun.

I shouldn't be so hard on Christians because right now it seems that Islamic extremism is quite possibly our greatest threat to global safety. I only wish that the people in this country screaming for more religion and blaming society's perceived downfall on the lack of Jesus in school could take off the goggles for a moment and truly see what it looks like to live somewhere ruled by religious dogma. It generally isn't working out well.

Why? I don't think there is anything wrong with believing in a god. However, no religion is free from judgement. Most major religious dogmas teach their followers that they are somehow better and superior. Believers are encouraged to judge and punish the behavior of non-believers. In the wrong hands (or in the hand of someone who has a gun in the other hand) this belief becomes a pathological excuse for the destruction and massacre of others.

War, murder, persecution, and destruction happen for a myriad of reasons beyond religion. Let me make it clear that I don't believe all religious people are bad apples. They aren't; I know and love very many religious people. However, there needs to be constant awareness and vigilance about the power of religion and what it can do when it seeps into our government and law.

We must be careful about heading into conflicts and wars that only stoke the causes of religious extremism. However, we cannot be silent and allow any religion or religious group to force their beliefs onto others.

As I always say and will continue to say: Love is my religion. Kindness is my dogma. Gratitude is my alter. Peace is my prayer.

To those in Paris and around the world suffering because of violence: no prayer is enough to make it better. I don't have a solution to the problem of terrorism or violence, but I will continue to rally behind the causes of justice through tolerance (NOT acceptance). I will continue to firmly believe the motto of "Do no harm, but take no shit."

Where that leads us, who knows? Please, y'all, love your neighbors.

A Little More on Inspiration

I sometimes get requests for the list of songs on my yoga playlists.  The music I use in my yoga practice is a big deal to me, and I invest an abundance of time and thought into my playlists.  Even if my students aren't listening to the words of the songs, I hope they realize that my goal in planning a playlist is to inspire their practice.  I pick songs with a satisfying tempo to inspire our bodies, and songs with meaningful words to inspire our minds and spirits.  Some songs are, of course, just for fun.  I mean, The Pina Colada Song doesn't really inspire anything besides cringes, right?

What makes music inspiring for our minds and spirits? Music can trigger a memory from youth or from a special day.  My yogis will often hear me say things like, "This takes me back to 7th grade at the roller skating rink," or "Any other children of the 90's remember this one?"  There are times when I have students who weren't even born when I reference a song from the 90s, and I'm certain they think I'm insane.  

Sometimes you find pieces of people you know in a song.  We all have moments where we hear a song and are immediately reminded of a friend or loved one.  Some memories are joyful and some are somber, but no matter what emotions spring forth we are grateful for what these people mean to us.  I have cried more than once in yoga class because of a certain song and how it relates to the struggles I'm having or the joys I'm experiencing.  

Plus, I love to sing along to music while I practice yoga.  Sorry, yogis.  

Starting with this post I will from time to time share some of my favorite yoga playlist songs.  Obviously, you can listen to music outside the yoga studio, so I hope these songs can help carry you and inspire you when you need a little joy.  

The first playlist I'm sharing is one centered around friendship and love.  Forming bonds with others can bring both joy and sorrow.  Grief is the price we pay for loving, but how terrible would it be if we never had anything worth losing or grieving?  

Trouble by Ray LaMontagne 

Song for a Friend by Andreya Triana (gosh, I've shed more tears over this song than I'd like to admit)

Never Quit Loving You by Jill Barber

Umbrella by Rihanna 

Rather Be by Clean Bandit 

What You Don't Do by Lianne La Havas

You Make Me Feel Good by Satin Jackets

Lean on Me by Bill Withers 

Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat

Your Song by Ellie Goulding 

You are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne (yeah, I kind of love his voice)

If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys

All of Me by Postmodern Jukebox

Just Breathe by Pearl Jam (seriously, if you can listen to the lyrics, "I'm a lucky man to count on both            hands the ones I love," and not be filled with boundless joy then you may not be a human                    being.)

Thank You by Dido

There are probably a hundred more songs I could add to this list, but this is a good start.  Have a song that inspires you?  Please share it with me!!  

 

You're the Inspiration

A friend mentioned a few months ago that, ahem, why am I not blogging?? My response was simple: I lost my inspiration.  And not just for writing.

Inspiration ebbs and flows in all of us.  Sometimes we are excited by new challenges in life, and sometimes we are overwhelmed by "adulting."  I'm constantly telling my yogis to find joy in every day, even in the mundane.  I've mastered finding folding laundry and washing dishes pleasant, but finding joy has been a bit more difficult.  I love baking and cooking, but I hate cleaning up afterwards.  Why cook or bake only to leave myself with piles of dirty dishes and a messy floor?  Ugh.

I've started teaching more yoga classes; I'm up to more than 10 per week on average.  I'm teaching little kids, which is new.  I'm teaching in different spaces, like onstage at a high school auditorium.  I've met new, interesting people with gripping life stories and hilarious personalities.  Yet, I've lost my own yoga practice.  I spend 10+ hours a week teaching yoga, and all teachers (no matter what you teach) know how much planning goes on behind he scenes for just one hour of class.  Plus, I have to travel to each class.  It's exhausting.

One of the reasons why I took on some extra classes was because my fellow yoga teacher RH delivered her daughter prematurely at 25 weeks this summer.  I took over two of her classes while at the same time losing one of the main "substitute" teachers I have in case I need a day off.  RH's baby girl thrived despite arriving early, and RH came back to work.  Here she is with me on her first day back in September.

A few weeks after RH came back to work, she got the news that her baby was ready to come home from the hospital!!  So, back I went teaching her classes for her while she was off being supermom.  I along with her students missed her but knew she was where she needed to be: home with her toddler and newborn.

About the same time RH was bringing her new baby home from the hospital I was also bringing my new baby home...only my new baby has four legs and fur.  His name is Archie.

Just a few weeks after bringing her baby home, RH was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer.

Yes, I said the same thing out loud that you just said in your head when you read that: What the fuck? This vibrant, easy going, beautiful new mom is about to have her life turned upside down.  Again.  Unlike pretty much everyone else who was filled with tears and expressions of sympathy, RH has henceforth decided to carry on each day with this attitude:

So, what is one to do when it feels like life is just a cycle of work, pay bills, die?  What is one to do when the fountain of inspiration has dried up because adulting is just too taxing and mundane?

Let's start here: October is breast cancer awareness month. I'll be damned if I'm not fully aware of breast cancer after having two very young, vibrant female friends diagnosed in 2015.  Of course being the person that I am I immediately start fighting imaginary battles of my own: got a cough this morning? Cancer.  My stomach hurts? Cancer.  Joints achy? Cancer.

But what would my friends fighting real battles say? Cancer? Cancer ain't got nothin' on them.  Cancer can attack their bodies; chemo can leave them tired and hurting and hairless.  I type these next words with all seriousness and admiration: when I look at these women I don't see the cancer hiding inside them.  I see their spirits cheering everyone on and saying, "Don't be sad for me! Be joyful with me!"

Excitement does not always come in the form of vacations or a new car or a new project at work.  Sometimes excitement comes as cancer. That saying, "same shit, different day" isn't necessarily a bad thing, right? That mundane life you have, those dishes you have to wash, that morning commute to work, those endless days of running kids around to practice...that should be where you find your inspiration.  Why expect inspiration to come knocking at your door?  You may not like what knocks.
PS: Fuck cancer.

Irony

Life, it is so funny.  Sometimes we laugh, and sometimes we don't get the joke.  I'm assuming I'm misusing the context of the word, but life is ironic.

Like how I make a commitment to help others be happy and healthy but end up breaking my ankle.   I've spent the last four weeks hobbling around and gimping my way through teaching yoga.  It's been a great test of learning to appreciate my body. 

Practicing child's pose with a gross black and blue ankle.  

Then let's add in some acid reflux that lead me to believe I had a tumor (hey, I already admitted my problem with being a hypochondriac).  Turns out I just have h pylori, a bacterial infection in my stomach that that cause reflux, ulcers, and if left untreated can cause cancer.  So, I'm on some super strong antibiotics with some unfriendly side effects.  I have a lovely vomit taste in my mouth all the time.  I'm sure the diarrhea can't be far behind.  I spent a lot of time trying to restore my gut flora to a decent balance, and now all that hard work is about to be flushed down the toilet.  Literally.  

Enter in probiotics and kombucha my new best friends.  I'm even going to try making my own kombucha drinks thanks to a friend who is acquiring a SCOBY for me.  Hopefully I don't kill it.  

I'm sure you can see the irony in championing a health challenge and then becoming a gimpy sicko, right??  

Oh well.  You know what they say?

I Am Woman. Hear Me Roar.

The wise words of Helen Reddy (3/4 of you don't have any idea who she is):

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
(Strong)
I am invincible
(Invincible)
I am woman.

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

 Being forced to take it down a notch thanks to my broken ankle provided me time to read.  I'm not a voracious reader by any means, and I have been known to start a book and never finish it.  One that really impacted me is Pro: Reclaiming Abortion Rights by Katha Pollitt.  I understand that abortion is a touchy subject, and you don't have to agree with me to understand why this book awakened something in me.

I am part of a generation of women (I was born in 1979) who reaped the benefit of decades and decades of struggle not just for reproductive rights, but for human rights in general.  Marital rape wasn't a crime when Roe v. Wade was decided in 1973, and in fact it wasn't until 1993 that marital rape was illegal in all 50 states.  Until 1978 a woman could be fired simply for being pregnant.  Hell, women weren't legally allowed to serve on juries in all 50 states until 1973.  If you don't believe me, Google it.  

In 2015, women still have a long way to go.  The government and our employers get to decide what medical care we can access.  Let that sink in.  The Supreme Court says that your employer can decide what medical services will be covered under your insurance.  Women should be yelling from the rooftops, "WHAT IS GOING ON!??"  Instead, we hide behind misunderstood "religious freedom."  Don't even get me started on religion being used to marginalize and persecute people.  Here's some advice: stop using God, Allah, Jehovah and any other god as an excuse to make your position in society better.  

But I digress.

Women, though expected to care for each and every egg we allow to be fertilized, are not given paid leave when babies are born.  FMLA does not protect a woman's job unless she has (usually) worked in the same place for a year.  Society claims to value human life but undervalues mothers every single minute of every single day.  Women don't make as much as men for the same work.  

Women both young and old are judged and valued according to their appearance.   Girls and women are told that being raped is their fault (because of their clothes, or maybe they were out too late, or maybe she should've known what he was after, or he was owed something).  

Feminist is a dirty word.

Boys are called "pussies" and ridiculed for running/playing/throwing "like a girl."

Men are told to "man up" because obviously showing emotion is weak. 

Corporations are people.  Fertilized eggs are people.  Women? Meh.  

Ladies and gentlemen, we have work to do.

Where do we begin??  Well, as with any many problems the solution isn't simple.  I hope to elaborate more on solutions in later blogs.  My purpose here is to get you thinking critically about the complacency of our generation.  I want y'all to start thinking about solutions.  Until then  Susan B. Anthony has an idea:

I know, she's ancient history, so let's hear from a more recent feminist:

Lessons from the Couch

Yes, friends, I broke my ankle.  Technically, I have an avulsion fracture in the fibula of my left leg caused by tripping over the sash between my basement and my garage.  This marks the second time I've broke a bone by tripping.  In fact, I broke a bone in my left foot the same way eight years ago.

I've learned so much more this time from being "grounded," maybe better defined as "couched."  Eight years ago, I stepped off my front porch on a lovely Spring day and rolled my ankle.  At that time my hubby was three hours away working in another city.  I was pregnant and had three other kids to take care of, but I got them all loaded up and we headed to the doctor.  My husband had to come and get me and the kids and drive us to my dad's so that someone would be around to help out the gimpy pregnant lady.  I was so busy trying to care for everyone else that I didn't really worry much about myself.

Fast forward eight years to me once again rolling my ankle on yet another lovely Spring day.  Curses!  This time I drove myself to the doctor all alone while my oldest babysat the other kids.  I may be stuck in a boot, but my kids can pretty much do all the chores.  No one needs a diaper change.  Sure, I've still been cooking the meals, but they can make a sandwich or get a bowl of cereal.  In other words, this time around I can actually rest.

Rest is medicine for a broken ankle.  Resting is so difficult for me; I can't even sit through a movie without getting restless.  I know that others have bigger problems than a broken ankle, but for me this injury is pretty devastating.  I can't teach yoga.  I can't go for a run.  I can't spend the day running errands.  I can't help anyone.  I can only rest.  (and eat cookies)

This time around things are much different.  This morning as I hobbled to the post office I wasn't chasing after a toddler and hoping to just get in and out as fast as possible.  No, this morning I could hobble and limp and take my sweet time.  I had time to notice the man walking with a cane.  He wasn't wearing a boot; he was just handicapped.  Life had thrown him a permanent "boot," one which he doesn't get to take off in a few weeks.  I was grateful to limp along today knowing that my boot is here to help and support me through a temporary injury.  Thank you, boot.

Last time I broke my ankle I wasn't yet practicing yoga.  This time around I'm not just practicing, I am teaching.  The bottom line hit me pretty hard: I can't teach yoga.  I can't, and that hurts more than the ankle.

But I can still practice.  My practice doesn't look the same right now as it did a week ago.  I have to remember the one thing I tell my students all the time: your yoga doesn't have to look like everyone else's yoga.  Your yoga, no matter what it looks like, is still yoga.  Will my yoga look like this?

Not for awhile.  Right now, my yoga looks like this:

And that's cool because it's still my yoga.  Friends, I've had to learn to take my own advice many times in the last few years.  That in itself is a pretty tough lesson.  In the next few weeks I'll have to follow another piece of my own advice: listen to your body.  What my mind wants will be irrelevant for the next few weeks.  My ankle is the boss of me, and I'm going to let it rule.  I'm going to be grateful for the time to heal and for the lessons I'm learning.

Thanks, boot.  Thanks for the lessons.

Handy

I blame the Girl Scout cookies.  

You know what I mean.  I was doing so well reducing sugar until cookie season.  I can't blame the cookies for all the pasta I've eaten this month, but I cannot be held responsible for the sugar.  Curse you, cookies!!  

Honestly, I absolutely do have control of what I put in my mouth.  I've made some bad food choices in February, but this week I am working on rebooting the diet plan.  I was talking to one of the trainers at the gym where I work, and she started following a diet called "intuitive eating."  Basically, you eat whatever you want focusing on nutritionally dense food and "junk food" in moderation with the understanding that some things you eat aren't actually food (Fruity Pebbles, Totino's pizza, Cheetos, Girl Scout cookies...).  This diet plan assumes that you can be intuitive as to what foods are nutritious or not.  The problem is that there are so many people who think (thanks to advertising) a Hot Pocket or a Lean Cuisine meal meet the definition of food.  They don't.  Intuitive eating is definitely something to explore, though, because it allows you to eat what you want when you want it.  There isn't any denial of food, but intuitive eating demands some conscientiousness about what exactly food is.

She also mentioned how she was using My Fitness Pal and had the same problems with it cursing her out for eating too much fat or eggs, etc.  I felt better about ditching My Fitness Pal after talking to her about its shortfalls.  Again, counting calories is important in weight loss, but I strongly believe that eating whole, nutritious food is much more important than dwelling on calories.  

Enough food talk.  More fun talk.  This is good stuff right here:

I always say that our bodies are really amazing things, and our fingers are no exception.  I mentioned earlier that I have a young friend battling cancer.  If you are able, please consider using a finger to clink this link to read her story and donate to her Go Fund Me campaign.   Jenn is truly kind and bubbly and smart and beautiful and strong; I really don't have enough adjectives in my vocabulary to complement her.  

Our hands are one of the most impressive tools on Earth.  Their dexterity is unmatched in nature.  Our hands are expressive and warm (or cold, like mine).  They hold the ones we love.  They change our babies' diapers and lovingly stroke our pets.  My favorite thing that hands do?  High fives.  

What will your hands do today?  Whether you type an email or bake a loaf of bread, take a moment to appreciate how great your hands are.  And remember to give a high five or two while you're at it.

Friendsy

Oh, the cats.  One's a cuddler, and one's a rascal.  Can you tell which is which??

Moving on...my last post was, well, sort of a downer.  Part of being your best is vocalizing your struggles and asking for help when you need it.  I felt so much love and light sent to me after my post, and it was amazing.  Thanks to everyone for the kind words and encouragement.

What I learned from writing the post is that I'm not the only one fighting imaginary battles.  Even battles that are imaginary still require weapons, and friends are the perfect weapon.   Girl Scouts has been promoting a program called Be a Friend First, and it most certainly isn't just for kids.  We don't always have the words to make our friends feel better, but we always have coffee or hugs or ears.  We always have a shoulder to cry on.  Even if you don't think you'll have the words to help, just be a friend.  Just be.  (Oh look, more yoga advice)

Of course, sometimes when I'm with a friend...

That's it.  I just wanted to make sure everyone knows that emotional slumps don't have to last.  When life is a frenzy, count on your friendsies.

Fighting Imaginary Battles

Hello, readers!  It has been a day or two since I've blogged.  I spent a few days in a pretty deep funk after hearing bad news from a few friends.  Unexpected death and cancer were only two of the tragedies faced by friends and acquaintances this month.  I spent so many years being sleep deprived and raising babies/toddlers that I never really had the time to reflect outward to what was going on around me.  Now that my own home life isn't so all-consuming and I can exist outside of my own front door I realize the terrible things life throws at us.  Now, surely I've had some shit slung in my direction, but nothing was ever so bad as to make me feel the proximity of mortality.

Most of you probably don't know this, but I am a raging hypochondriac.  I worry constantly that I have cancer or heart problems or whatever.  Some days I will fixate on a "symptom" for the entire day or even days.  Pain in my side?  Cancer.  Lack of energy and weight loss?  Cancer or maybe a heart problem.  Lord knows I've googled symptoms a time or two, which is NEVER a good idea.  Yes, I've even had blood work and an MRI in the past because my doctor knew I wouldn't believe his diagnosis of "too much caffeine" or "flu-like virus" or "acid reflux."  I have spent hours thinking about who will help my husband raise my children and make sure they get to school, pondering who will make their lunches and kiss them goodnight if I am gone.

I don't like this feeling of helplessness against pain and despair.  No amount of religion or philosophy will ever convince me that there is a purpose to suffering and despondency.  I'm not a big believer in "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I know it makes me sound like a pessimist.  I know it makes me sound a little crazy.  Okay, maybe a lot crazy.  Here's what I've come to realize: I can't escape pain or despair.  I can't.  It's inevitable.

I also can't and shouldn't anticipate pain or suffering.

Worrying about something will not change the outcome for the better.

Many folks turn to God or religion or the hope of an afterlife to help relieve suffering.  Most of us, even folks like me who aren't religious, have a philosophy to help us reconcile life's unfairness and help us cope with loss and hurt.  I haven't had trouble losing weight during the Best Me challenge, but I have had some trouble shedding the emotional heaviness of dealing with suffering and loss and my own mortality.

So, friends, I've added something more to making myself the best I can be: honoring with all my heart the words I use in each and every yoga class I teach.

For what has been, thank you.
To what will be, yes.

I am mortal, but I am fierce.  I have lived already been given 35 years of a breathtaking life, and I know plenty of folks who weren't blessed with 35 birthdays.  I am too blessed to be stressed, so to speak, and I will stop anticipating suffering.   Send me some light this week, friends.  My heart needs to be refilled with calm and confidence so that I can continue to send love to those I know who are actually in pain and fighting real battles, not just imaginary ones.

Best Me Challenge Update

I stopped counting calories, and my commitment to adding more cardio has fallen short.  However, the scale is still reflecting progress.

I'm pleased with the weight loss, but my $100 yoga pants are now sliding down my hips while I work out.  Sigh.  So, I've decided that the 3/4 box of Thin Mints I ate yesterday is really a sort of "food belt" that I will use to hold up my pants.  A fellow yoga instructor suggested we wear suspenders to hold up our yoga pants.  I'd like weight to melt off my thighs and calves, but as usual it is coming off my belly and boobs.  We can't fight genetics.

Obviously, I've added some sugar back to my diet mostly in the form of Girl Scout cookies.  I've also been drinking an occasional margarita which also adds some sugar in the form of agave nectar.  Sugar is sugar in all it's forms, remember, with maybe the exception of honey that also has lots of other nutritional value.

How are you all doing?  It can be easy to become complacent in a diet/fitness routine, but don't give up!  Be honest with yourself about where you're failing, and be grateful for how far you've come.

Something I encourage you to add if you haven't already is a bit of time for reflection, meditation, or prayer.  I like to light a candle and focus on it for a minute while thinking of those I know who need some love and light.  Don't forget to take time to be thankful and to rejoice when you or others are also succeeding and thriving.  Being the Best Me means taking some time to decide what kind of energy I'm going to send out into the universe.

Super Bowl Recipes

And on that note...on to some nutritious Super Bowl party recipes!

Super Bowl Sunday is another one of those days where folks like to indulge in lots of food and booze.  I don't really even like football that much, but food and booze...I love them.

However, I don't really want to get out of control eating huge amounts of sugar.  I'll make foods with lots of protein and fiber.  I'll drink a glass or two of wine or have one or two margaritas.  I will remind myself that I am far too old to to get drunk on a Sunday night.

And then, I will make loads of guacamole.  It's the easiest and tastiest party food ever invented.  All it takes is avocados, salt, lime juice, onion.  Put it in a food processor (or mash by hand), and add in tomatoes or garlic or whatever.  I have a friend who insists on adding red curry paste to her guac.  To each her own.  Add some corn chips (preferably lower in salt), and you are good to go.

But what about those weirdos who don't like guacamole?  Frankly, I'm not sure if I can trust anyone who won't eat an avocado, but I digress.  How about hummus?  I like to add red pepper flakes or Sriracha to my hummus.  My kids love it with soda crackers (Saltines), and we call it hillbilly hummus.  Feeling extra ambitious??  You can turn hummus into this delicious layered dip.

So, you don't like guac or hummus?  Oh, the horror!!  Well, I've got some treats for you, too. These meatballs are tasty.  The sauce has coconut aminos which you can find at Natural Grocers or Whole Foods.  Or what about deviled eggs?  Or my favorite sweet potato nachos?  White bean and chicken chili? The possibilities for a nutritious, low-sugar yet still splurgy Super Bowl party are endless.

However you decide to enjoy Sunday's game, I hope you do it with folks you love and food you love.  Save the guilt for another day.  Like Monday.  When you'll be back on the treadmill and the yoga studio.  :-)

Counting Calories, aka Hangry

Since January 1 I have been counting calories using the My Fitness Pal ap.  I wanted to see how much I could eat for 1700 calories, my daily allotment.  I generally get an extra 200-300 calories for 50 minutes of yoga and my 10 minute mile.  So, I get 2000 calories on the days I work out.

And I'm hangry.  You know, hungry + angry = hangry.

It isn't just about sugar.  I really don't miss all the cookies and crap I was eating.  If I get a sugar craving, I can generally curb it with some tea or a smoothie made with coconut water or some paleo fudge.  What irritates me about counting calories with My Fitness Pal is that it gets fussy with me when I eat an egg.  It gets fussy when I eat too much fat.  It doesn't consider that I mostly eat plant-based fat.  It doesn't distinguish good calories and bad calories.  It doesn't say, "Hey, why'd you eat a Hot Pocket?" (Well, maybe it does.  I didn't eat one.)  It does say, "Eggs have a lot of cholesterol."

So?

Any ap that scolds me for eating real, whole food???  Well, in the wise words of the Dude: this aggression will not stand, man.

I think I will be saying adios to My Fitness Pal, although I have really enjoyed the feeling I get from staying under my calorie goal.  My feelings of joy fade quickly when I realize My Fitness Pal is silently judging me for eating too many avocados. I'm not sure, but I think My Fitness Pal bases it's recommendations on the current USDA My Plate guidelines.  The problem is that the USDA guidelines are politically motivated; the food industry lobby is reflected in the guidelines.  For example, eating/drinking dairy isn't necessary, but the dairy industry gets subsidies from the government anyway.  Cheese and milk are tasty but aren't necessarily a part of a healthy diet.

For years we were told (to great detriment) that eating fat makes us fat.  We stopped eating fat, and we all got fatter.  Could it be that the true problem isn't fat but sugar??

It's an interesting question: does counting calories really matter?  Well, yes.  The conundrum is that it is possible that not all calories are equal.  When I eat an avocado I'm not eating empty calories. Avocados are filled with fiber which means your body takes longer to digest them than say a can of soda.  Watch the movie Fed Up; it goes into great detail about the exploration of the value of calories.

Amidst all the murky waters of food science, one thing is clear: processed foods are not good.  Not all calories are the same.  Remember when I started this challenge I said that I would be approaching the challenge from the perspective of my mind, body, and spirit.   Well, my mind and spirit have not been happy with My Fitness Pal.  It makes me hangry.

So, bye bye for now, Pal.

I will continue to watch portion size and watch the amount of sugar I eat.  I will continue to add cardio exercise and more water.  I will also continue to eat lots of avocados and coconut oil and nuts and eggs.  Sorry, Pal.

In Defense of Excess

Hey there, beautiful.  I hope that you enjoy making new connections with yourself and others during this first month of our Best Me challenge.  I added in a little more sugar this week in the form of almond milk ice cream bars, but I'm still not eating much pasta or bread.  I splurged yesterday on one of my weekly friend dates by eating a whole bunch of Indian food (naan, papadum, jasmine rice, goa chicken), but enjoying a favorite restaurant with a favorite friend was well worth the extra calories.

If you've ever had a friend who would quite literally punch someone in the face for you...well, this is mine.  Her father is suffering from cancer, and I hope that our weekly dates are making her life a little brighter.  If weekly trips to Starbucks and The Oven don't cheer her up, I don't know what will.  Haha!

So, what about splurging?  Whether it's food or shoes or pedicures, we all have something that just makes us feel better.  For me it has always been food with friends.  Lunch dates, ice cream dates, coffee dates...my friends and I love to gather around food.  Some people go fishing or shopping or running together.  I often gather with friends to do yoga (and drink mimosas...oops).

I don't discourage splurging with purpose.  In fact, I encourage you to gather with friends, and if it means you eat an extra 500 calories, oh well.  I know, it doesn't sound like very good dieting advice, but being healthy isn't just about how many calories you eat.

There are certain things that we absolutely must do it excess in order to be happy:

Love one another.
Go on dates.
Be grateful.
Cuddle.
Rest.
Hug.

So, we are going to eat whole foods.  We are going to stop eating so much sugar.  We are going to get moving.  We are going to love cooking and yoga and napping.

We are going to choose health and happiness over what we think our lives/bodies should look like.  We are going to choose friendship and love and peace over resentment and judgement.

We are going to enjoy life and its indulgences.

When you're feeling like you need something healthy to come back to, I have the perfect smoothie: green tea and tropical fruit.

Start by brewing some extra strong green tea.  I brew mine in a little Mason jar.  I pop on the lid and put it in the fridge overnight.  When you're ready, combine the green tea with 1/2-1 cup on frozen mixed tropical fruit in a blender.  If you're really smart you might have some extra frozen bananas to add into your smoothie because frozen bananas give smoothies amazing texture.  Add in some honey (honey is sugar, but it's sugar filled with lots of nutrients), and blend well.  You can toss in some chia seeds or flax seeds if you'd like.  Enjoy!

On Resentment...and Meatballs

Let's talk for a moment about resentment.  One definition of resentment is "bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly."  (Thanks, Google).  Resentment is toxic, as toxic to you as smoking.  It will scar and discolor you.  It will never let you move on.  Resentment is as heavy as obesity.  It will ruin your heart just like the constant consumption of fried foods.

We've all been treated unfairly by others.  However, we mentally cause so much more resentment in our own brains than actually exists.  "Gosh, I work hard every day.  Why don't I have an expensive car/house/________ like they do?"  "You know, I eat healthy and exercise every day.  Why don't I look like she does?"  "I do so much more work than ______ does, but no one ever tells me I do a great job around here."  "I deserve ________ more than __________ because I ______________"

We tell our children all the time that life isn't fair, but we fail to understand our own lesson.  So, I'll say it again: LIFE ISN'T FAIR.  Not today.  Not tomorrow.

Does it really matter?  There are absolutely times when we or others are horribly wronged and we must stand up and do something.  I feel very strongly about certain social inequalities and class inequalities.  We should actively defend social causes.  But those day-to-day unfairnesses that are often just created in our brains???  They've got to go.

How do I cope with resentment?  Well, gratitude is a great warrior in the cause against resentment.  I aim to be amazed each day by what I have and focus less on what I don't.  Every single day I need to be reminded of what's good in my life, and my yoga practice gives me that time.  Is that me pimping yoga again??  Yes.  Yes it is.  In that same vein, remember that happiness and peace and contentment aren't found in material things.

Another way to cope with resentment is to let it air out.  Talk to someone who you know can encourage you and support you and complement you.  I find this strategy very helpful when dealing with resentment toward myself.  "I'm too fat."  "I'm a terrible mom."  "I can't _________ like she does."  All these self-doubts and self-discontentments are unnecessary for growth.  I know that I have friends who will always have kind words for me, and I turn to them when I'm feeling down on myself.

So, more peace; less resentment.  Let's work on that.  On to the meatballs!

I used to have a favorite meatball recipe that was filled with delicious cheese.  Dairy and I aren't friends anymore, so I had to find another favorite recipe.  Chicken and quinoa meatballs are quick, nutritious and versatile.  You can surely use ground beef  or turkey instead of ground chicken if you prefer.  I personally hate ground turkey.  Here's the basic ingredient list for the Italian meatballs I make most often:

1lb ground chicken (I buy Smart Chicken mainly because it's the easiest to find)
1 cup cooked quinoa (1/2c. well-rinsed quinoa + 1 cup water, cooked for about 15 minutes)
1 egg
handful (maybe 1/3 cup) whole oats
salt (these guys need quite a bit)
black pepper
red pepper flakes
garlic or garlic powder
onion or onion powder
Dried oregano, basil, and/or fennel
1/2 cup spinach leaves torn into pieces

I don't really measure spices and seasonings, so I guessed.  This is what it looks like before I add the meat and quinoa:

Do you like my awesome Spiderman cup/flower vase?

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Mix all the ingredients together using your hands; touching raw mean sucks, but your hands are perfect tools.  Line a baking sheet with foil and spray with cooking spray.  Use a scoop to form meatballs, like this:

Bake for about 20 minutes.  Serve with pasta or zucchini noodles.  You can also add your favorite (not loaded with sugar) marinara sauce.  These freeze really well, so make extra.

You can change up the seasonings however you'd like.  Season them like you would a meatloaf and serve them with potatoes (or my favorite: fauxtatoes.  Fauxtatoes are the bomb).  Make some mushroom gravy for them to swim in.  Yeah, buddy.

2015: less resentment; more meatballs.

Investing Where it Matters Most

Being wealthy.  Being rich.  Managing investments.  Having a savings account.  Making sacrifices that may or may not pay off in the long run.  All of these things are vital.

I'm not, however, talking about money.

I'm talking about investing your time and energy and resources where they matter most.  I'm talking about having a savings account of good karma.  I'm talking about the wealth and richness you get by feeling good and being happy and grateful and amazed by what you have.

I'm also talking about defending and protecting the people you love by feeding them healthy food and encouraging them to exercise and read and explore and smile.  Sometimes you will literally need to protect and defend those you love from the harsh words and actions of others.  Sometimes you will need to protect those you love from their own harmful behaviors and words toward themselves.  

It goes back to the whole "village" concept: when those around me thrive then my life is also more secure and improved.  Sometimes, however, our investments do not pay off.  Sometimes we invest time and energy and maybe even money into people who turn out to be toxic.  We have to stop investing in people who make us feel unappreciated or lonely or hurt.  Just like we eliminate toxic food from our diets, we have to let go of toxic people.

You have to learn to say no to people who may need your help if helping them means you feel worse or taken advantage of.  When doing things for others fills your plate so full that you feel overwhelmed, then something has to give.  When your sister calls for the tenth time in a week to complain about her job, and you feel yourself wanting to scream...don't answer the phone.  When your daughter decides she wants to take ballet, but she already plays violin and does swimming lessons and plays soccer...just say no.  It isn't okay to overextend yourself to make someone happy.  Just like actual money in a checking account, your emotional checking account can be overdrawn.  NO is a complete sentence that doesn't require explanation.  Saying no can and will make you feel guilty sometimes, but you cannot help anyone else if you are drained.  Period.

Figuring out just what exactly to invest and how much and in whom is an enormous challenge.  Remember to place great value on yourself and your body and your time.  Invest your goodness in people who return goodness to you and to others.  Don't extend yourself beyond your limits, even for those people who are most important to you.  Tell them they are important and loved and cherished, and then remind them that if they love you they will understand why you have to say no.  And then let no be a complete sentence.

Stay the Course

Two weeks in to the Best Me challenge, and I'm still going strong.  I'm still keeping my food and exercise diary.  I stayed the course for 10 days with my sugar detox, and I'm still not eating refined sugar.  Thanks to cutting out sugar (and most pasta and bread), I'm already losing weight.

Staying inspired can be difficult.  You'll want to give up.  Don't.

So, what am I doing to stay inspired to improve myself and those around me??  Well, honestly, stepping on the scale has helped me stay inspired as far as my diet goes.  I know that the changes I've made in my diet are working.  If I had not decided to blog my Best Me commitments I probably never would have purchased a scale.  I don't want it to become something that I dread something that causes anxiety.

Of course, there's yoga.  Yoga is the sunshine on a cloudy day.  I'm even back to leading friendsies yoga on Saturday mornings.  Anytime I can share yoga with friends is a good time for me.

I'm setting up plenty of "dates" with friends and leaving sappy cards on my husband's dresser.  No one has better friends than I do, but I might be biased.  I am grateful every day for the friends I've made; they are strong, happy, hard-working, bloom-where-you're-planted women (and men!) and I can't imagine life without them.  I am also grateful for the people that haven't continued on my journey with me, people from whom I've grown apart.  There is a saying that people can either inspire you or drain you.  Letting go of people who drain you is healthy and helps you become your best.

Sappy card for the hubs

I had some crazy sugar cravings yesterday, and instead of eating a bag of chocolate chips I made this awesome fudge.  It tastes like Thin Mints.  Cooking is a huge inspiration for me, researching recipes and trying new foods.  Sometimes all it takes to inspire me in the kitchen is something as simple as a new kitchen tool.  Take for example, my new Veggetti Spiral Vegetable Slicer.  I've made so many zucchini noodles it isn't even funny.  Zucchini + olive oil + salt = amazingness.

My husband inspires me every day.  He's doing this challenge with me, you know.  I've never, ever seen him count a calorie or watch a portion size, and we've been together since 1996.  His participation is a big deal to me.  

What inspires you?  Art?  Dancing?  Books?  Whatever it is, pursue it.  In that same regard, let go of what dulls your spirit or weighs you down.  Being an anchor is vastly different than being unnecessary weight.  Realize that you could be inspiring those around you, or weighing them down, and build yourself according to what you want from your life.