My Special Heart

I had a miscarriage the day after Thanksgiving 2006. Even though I already had three children (one of whom was still in diapers), it was the single most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. More jolting than my husband losing his job twice. More heart-breaking than losing people I loved who actually lived and breathed. A child I never knew, a child that was never even a child anywhere other than my mind, was gone.

Our holiday traditions include buying a Christmas ornament every year for the tree. That year we all picked ornaments, and I chose a special one for the baby that never was. It is two hearts joined together.

As I pulled the ornament out of the box tonight, I recoiled and hid it from the kids and from Colby, tucked in my hands. I remembered how in 2006 as we put up our Christmas tree as we do every year the day after Thanksgiving, my baby was slowly leaving me. More painful than any labor, the depth of my sadness was excruciating. I started to cry tonight when I saw that ornament as I am while I type this. I finally got the courage to show the ornament to Colby, half worried that he wouldn't remember why we bought it. He remembered. And I will never forget.

The hearts sit at the top of our tree reminding me every day during the holiday season that I have a special little heart, one that probably never beat, but one that still means so much to me.

Thanksgiving

We spent a lovely Thanksgiving day at my parents' house in Seward. Their house is sufficiently large to hold the six members of our family and the six members of theirs. I prepared green bean casserole, strawberry margarita dessert, and pumpkin and cherry pies. I hate pumpkin pie, but I bake a really good one.



After our lovely lunch which included a large hunk of beef, punch, and lots of potatoes, we all sat around and played Guitar Hero and Trivial Pursuit. We were obligated to go around the table and say for what we are thankful, and Evelyn dutifully replied, "Kitties and puppies." My kids decided they wanted to stay overnight, so we traded: our four kids for my "little" brother Alex. Alex came home with Colby and I to hang out and do a little Black Friday shopping.

We had a really nice time, especially since we only had to travel about 20 minutes.

On a side note, Colby spent Thanksgiving morning taking a needy family in Crete a turkey dinner. Although I missed having him with us for the first part of our celebration, I am very proud of him for volunteering to do a good deed on Thanksgiving.

My Husband, the King of the Claw Machine

The Vesely family has many fabulous genes that have passed from one generation to the next. My favorite just happens to be an innate ability to defeat those carnival claw machines that are now found in just about every restaurant and discount store in town. They may be filled with jinky stuffed animals, but they seem like fantastic treasures to little kids looking through the glass. Who doesn't want a kung-fu chipmunk or Brian from Family Guy dressed in a banana suit?

At our Saturday afternoon lunch at Old Chicago, Colby won both a stuffed monster truck and a frog on only 2 tries of the claw machine each. The prizes are hardly worth the $2 spent to win them, but the girls have been carrying them around like precious cargo.

I can only hope that this gift is passed down to my children so that they too can win stuffed Hannah Montana boots and knock-off Care Bears for their offspring.

Photos for today's blog are courtesy of Evelyn.

Husker Football Spectacular

Last night was the Big 12 North championship game between the Huskers and Kansas State. As part of our game day tradition, we fed the kids junk food and drank some alcohol.

Who knew margaritas came in a box? The box says it contains 15 margaritas, but I suppose it's all relative to the size of your glass. Since our fancy glasses are packed up in boxes and waiting in the garage until the kids move some of their crap out of the house, I drank about 5 margaritas from a wine glass.



Now, feast your eyes on our delicious smokies: two ways.



Finally, Evelyn decided to take some photos last night of our festivities. The following is a pretty good one of yours truly, margarita in hand.



The Huskers won the game last night, but win or lose our family football game nights are always a success thanks to chili/Velveeta dip.

The Status of Christmas Shopping

I like to get my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. Why? Because I can't tolerate people very well. I hate busy stores. I hate it when someone ahead of me writes a damn check. Who writes checks at the store anymore?? I hate after-Thanksgiving bargains. I love giving gifts and want to purchase them at reasonable prices, but there is a line in the sand that I will no longer cross. No more 5 am trips to the store. If it's not on sale and I really want it or know someone else who would love it then I'll just buy it before it goes on sale and sells out.

So far, a big chunk of my shopping has been done on Etsy.com. I've paid a good chunk of shipping this way, but I've got some unique items that weren't made in China. I also caught a couple of good post-Halloween sale toys, as well as a great early sale at Toys R Us. I LOVE to shop, but I HATE shoppers. I want a nice quiet shopping experience (Then why am I shopping from home?? It's never quiet.).

So, as Christmas approaches I guess I will see less and less of my favorite stores. I've decided to get my consumerism out of the way so I can enjoy what the holidays are really about: family, charity, love, and giving. And that feels good.

From the Mouths of Babes

Evie (overheard from the backseat of the van): That's what family does. They just stand there.

Gavin (my daycare kiddo): I had jelly at a restaurant named Wono. It was made by a big robot that I kicked in the nuts.

Evie (while watching GI Joe): If that guy ever attacked me, I'd kick him right in the balls.

Yes, like an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos my kiddos are obsessed with male gonads.

Teammates Gala

Last night we had the honor of being invited to a gala fundraiser for the Teammates charity. Teammates is a mentoring program founded by Tom Osborn and his wife. Colby's employer is actively involved in this program and always gets a table at the fundraiser. The assistant plant manager invited Colby to attend, and of course we were anxious to get a night out away from the kids.

The evening didn't start out on a great note. Our babysitter had a dead battery in her car and arrived late. We still made it to the gala in time for drinks. I should've had more drinks. Although Colby's coworkers are great and the food was good, the event was moving along really slowly. When we left over two hours after we'd arrived, they hadn't done any of the guest speakers or magic show yet. We decided we'd make it home by 9:30 pm to relieve the babysitter and put the kiddos to bed.

It was nice to get all dressed up and look hot with my husband. Thank you to Evie for taking a photo of us before we left.

To Snip or Not to Snip. . . That is the Question

This time of year brings many things: holidays, changing leaves, and enrollment for benefits at Colby's work. One thing we are considering this year is how much to put in the Flex account, you know that little account that takes out money pretax for medical expenses.

We have been discussing for months whether or not to have Colby get a vasectomy (I know, too much info. Sorry.) We have 4 great kids, a small house, and no spare time, all of which are great reasons to tie the knot, so to speak. The problem here is the permanency. I could never have another baby. Ever. That thought is very frightening to me for some reason. I knew when Soren was born that this would probably be the last time I heard my newborn baby cry for the first time. Colby is pretty set on getting the surgery, but at the same time mentions often how nice it would be to have a baby in the house.

Part of the problem is that Soren is growing up so quickly, and this is the first time in a long time that we've had only a toddler in the house and not either a baby on the way or a baby already here. When we see babies at the store we get all googley eyed and say, "Awwww!". Then I remember getting up at all hours to nurse, sore nipples, and the sounds of a crying baby two seconds after you lay down. Then I remember the soft "kuh kuh" of a baby nursing while she looks into your eyes, the quiet times rocking a baby in the dark of the night, and the sound of my baby saying Mama for the first time.

Our problem is so much more than one of the pocketbook. It's a conflict of the heart, the sadness that comes along when your children grow up.

Who Needs a Bucket List? I've Finished ER

It's official: I have now seen every single episode of ER from start to finish. I know, I know. My goal could've been losing 10 lbs. or spending more time volunteering, but, alas, I am an ER junkie. I DVR it every day and watch it during naptime. I noticed sometime last week that the episodes are getting very familiar, and sure enough I've seen them. That means I have been surprised by Nurse Hathaway's attempted suicide, cried when Dr. Greene died, and gotten angry when Abby started drinking again and cheated on Dr. Kovac. I watched the first episode and the last episode. The characters seem like friends almost, and I'll miss having new adventures with the patients and drama with the doctors.

Go ahead, quiz me. I think I'd do pretty well.

Another Wood Shop Moment

I have to add another fine quote from Dade:

Dade: I finished my foam house in wood shop today.

Me: Foam?? In wood shop?

Dade: Yes. It's actually industrial technology, a.k.a. wood shop.

Because apparently foam is the new wave in industrial technology. Seriously?

Happy 30th Birthday, Sara!

My BFF Sara turned 30 on Saturday. We've spent many birthdays together. I remember sitting at the bar the year her birthday was on election night and watching George W. Bush "win" the presidency. It was a historic election that I spent drunk with my friends. We've also gone to see Saw III, a movie too scary to see with my freaked-out hubby. We've done a lot to celebrate birthdays, and this year was no different.

We started by heading to Lazlo's for a delicious dinner and drinks. We then headed to Libations, a martini bar, for some tasty cocktails and Husker football. We had a really nice time, and Colby and I got to sleep in until 9:30 am this morning to sleep off my drinks (note: Colby was the designated driver, so I was sleeping off and he was sleeping in).

For her gift, I got her a giftcard to Target and a new, shiny vibrator to make sure she has 30 more years of happiness. Salud!

Watching T.V.

Despite my commitment to be an active and involved parent, my children (especially my sons) love to watch t.v. I don't blame them because I love t.v. also. My DVR is always full of episodes of House, America's Next Top Model, ER, Nip/Tuck, Queer as Folk, and others. But I digress. . .

The girls rarely sit down and watch television. They usually end up staying for a few minutes and then running off to play. Dade, on the other hand, could sit in front of the screen for endless hours, especially if Mythbusters or a shark program is on.

On Thursday the girls made a little bed in front of the television. I think Yo Gabba Gabba was on, and that's one of their favorite shows. Two very rare occurrences took place: the girls watched a whole 20 minute show and did it laying beside each other without fighting. I had to take a photo of this historic moment.

Family Photo Night

Once a year the whole family heads on over to the JC Penney portrait studio for photos. It's one of those love-hate things about having a large family: you love having the photos to remember how everyone looks, but you hate loading everyone up and posing for photos. It's really kind of a nightmare. First you have to wait your turn for photos and hope no one messes up their hair or gets their outfit dirty. Then you hope everyone keeps their eyes open for the photos. Sometimes you wish that everyone could smile and look at the camera, but then you realize that's a fantasy. Next you hope that your husband doesn't flip out on four bored youngsters, and you really hope that if he does no one calls the cops. Finally, when all is said and done, you just pray that there's one good photo for the wall. Just one.

Last night's photo session went really well, and we got at least two really good photos. Two good photos?? I'd call that a victory!!

A Conversation With Dade

Dade: I cut my finger in wood shop class today.

Me: Really? How did you do that?

Dade: I was digging in the marker box.

This is one of only many strange and hilarious conversations I've had with my first born son. Turns out there was a pair of scissors in said marker box, but I didn't expect a marker box to be the culprit in a wood shop injury.

The following photo is of Dade eating his favorite food is his signature way: fearlessly and without regret. Funny, though. I thought he ordered the large donut??

Halloween Weekend

With terrible colds dogging us this weekend, we engaged in all Halloween had to offer: pumpkin carving, trick or treating, and scary movie watching. Friday night we took the kids to the Halloween party at the local Shriner's Temple (?). Colby works with a bunch of Shriners, and they really know how to put on a great party for the kids. After leaving the shrine we headed to Indigo Bridge books for a Where the Wild Things Are storytime and wild rumpus. The kids made masks and ate cookies. We had to stop by Ivanna Cone since it's just next door.

Saturday we carved pumpkins with Scott, Amber, and Ethan. Carrie and Jacob stopped by. Sara, Travis, and the kids came for our kid-friendly supper of pigs-in-a-costume. We had quite a caravan of trick-or-treaters head out to collect their goods. The men took the kids out for candy, and the ladies stayed home to watch a scary movie and hand out candy. After two hours of trick-or-treating everyone was tired and cold. Brody said it was the best Halloween ever.