To Snip or Not to Snip. . . That is the Question

This time of year brings many things: holidays, changing leaves, and enrollment for benefits at Colby's work. One thing we are considering this year is how much to put in the Flex account, you know that little account that takes out money pretax for medical expenses.

We have been discussing for months whether or not to have Colby get a vasectomy (I know, too much info. Sorry.) We have 4 great kids, a small house, and no spare time, all of which are great reasons to tie the knot, so to speak. The problem here is the permanency. I could never have another baby. Ever. That thought is very frightening to me for some reason. I knew when Soren was born that this would probably be the last time I heard my newborn baby cry for the first time. Colby is pretty set on getting the surgery, but at the same time mentions often how nice it would be to have a baby in the house.

Part of the problem is that Soren is growing up so quickly, and this is the first time in a long time that we've had only a toddler in the house and not either a baby on the way or a baby already here. When we see babies at the store we get all googley eyed and say, "Awwww!". Then I remember getting up at all hours to nurse, sore nipples, and the sounds of a crying baby two seconds after you lay down. Then I remember the soft "kuh kuh" of a baby nursing while she looks into your eyes, the quiet times rocking a baby in the dark of the night, and the sound of my baby saying Mama for the first time.

Our problem is so much more than one of the pocketbook. It's a conflict of the heart, the sadness that comes along when your children grow up.