Weekend Review

Friday night was girls' night out again. I generally make it a habit to join a few girlfriends for drinks, ice cream, or Paint Yourself Silly on a weekly basis. It feels good to talk about our problems, and I secretly love to hear all the troubles they are having with their husbands. Not that I want them to have problems, mind you, but I love to be able to brag about my hubby. This Friday was supper, ice cream, and pottery painting with my bowling team buddies. Colby gets a chance to get all the kids ready for bed, and the kids get the chance to see that, yes, life can go on when mommy isn't home.

Saturday brought three hours at the mall with the kids, and I'm pretty sure everyone was suicidal by the end of the trip. Not even candy and the threat of certain death if one did not behave could stop the kids from being absolutely irritating. Colby took them swimming Saturday night while I worked out, and we got a surprise visit from Aunt Carrie and her dog Penn. We babysat Penn while she went out overnight. He didn't even crap on the floor. He crapped on the deck, but not in the house.

Sunday was the Farmland golf tournament. Colby and Dade were gone all day long. They finished dead last because their partners didn't show up, but they came home with some prizes and good memories. I took the other three grocery shopping in the morning because I'm an idiot, a huge f-ing dumbass. I'm sure me, my three kids, and my huge cart full of groceries were great entertainment for shoppers as I yelled, "Am I speaking English here? Sit down. For the love of Ray J, don't touch everything. I know you're bored, and I don't want to be here all day either. Stop eating Brody's popcorn or he's going to have a frickin' miscarriage. Who cares whose Icee it is? You all have the same cooties anyway. There are kids in Africa who don't even have Target." Yes, I said all those things. Sometimes in my frustration I make no sense, especially when the audience is 5 years old.

Weekends will soon become packed with dance classes and birthday parties and trips to the pumpkin patch. For now, I hope the kids can appreciate all the work it takes to survive a weekend of shopping without 10 margaritas and a bowl of weed.